CLICK ON PICTURES TO VIEW THEM IN FULL SIZE

VIEW FIONA VIDEO

My Sailing Adventure on the Yacht Fiona...

How It All Came About...

I have a friend Lew who has a friend Eric who has this 42' yacht called Fiona.  For a couple of years now I have followed Fiona's journey's across the Arctic and Antarctic, as well as her Transatlantic and South American adventures.  I told Lew that if ever there was ever an opportunity for me to a sail on Fiona, please let me know. 

Well that opportunity came a few months ago.  Following my retirement and move to Costa Rica, Lew emailed me that Eric would be sailing Fiona from San Francisco back to her home port in New York and there was a very good chance I could join the crew in Costa Rica.  I immediately wrote Eric, detailed my boating experience (which was zilch) and he said YES, I could join the crew when Fiona put in to Puntarenas Costa Rica!  How frigging cool was that?

With just a few months to get ready, I began to think about what sort of things I needed to pack.  Eric advised that I should be thinking at a minimalist level - bring just the basics.  But in the end and against all advise, I did over pack.  But I did manage to pack away two video cameras, one of which was designed for underwater shooting, one still camera, some extra microphones and plenty of batteries and chargers.  In addition, I packed an ultra small laptop PC and of course my iPod with over 10,000 songs and many downloaded TV programs.

The following is a daily log of my experiences on the Yacht Fiona from when I joined the crew on January 20 till I left her in Colon Panama on February 6, 2010. 

CAUTION: This log was written in real time, as events occurred.  As one would expect, there is the occasional use of explicit language.

To view all my photos, please visit my Facebook page HERE.

Day 1 – Wednesday, January 20:
Costa Rica Yacht Club, Puntarenas CR

This is my first day as a crew member of the Yacht Fiona.  Having never sailed before, I knew nothing of the art of sailing, navigation or how to live amongst people crammed into close quarters.  Simply put, I was as far out of my element as one could get.  I was the quintessential "nautical virgin."

I met Captain, Eric Forsyth for the first time while Fiona was moored at the Costa Rica Yacht Club (CRYC) in Puntarenas.  Eric is in his late 70's, a retired electrical engineer by trade and has been sailing for the majority of his life.  To his credit, he has circumnavigated the globe twice, once going east and once going west and has sailed every ocean on Earth, logging more than 300,000 miles under keel.  On this, his latest adventure, Eric is in the final stages of completing a circumnavigation of North America, which took him through the Northwest Passage and Bering Sea.

With all my gear packed into a single duffel bag, Fran and I made the one hour drive from our home in San Ramon to the CRYC.  We'll remain in port till Friday morning, just enough time to make a few minor repairs and re-provision the boat.

There were two other members of the crew who I have yet to meet.  They are a 25 year old Science and Math teacher from Santa Cruz California and her carpenter boyfriend, also from Santa Cruz.  As this log will later detail, I am referring to these folks in pseudonym as ANNOYING FEMALE and ANNOYING MALE.  Additionally, more descriptive adjectives may be interjected which will further amplify my personal feelings as the trip progresses.  To their credit, the ANNOYING COUPLE are very experienced sailors but our personalities just seemed to clash.  I found them boring, pretentious, condescending and really "California Annoying."  It's hard to describe the term California Annoying, but you'll know it when you see it.  More on that as the the journey progresses.

I initially felt sorry for the ANNOYING FEMALE.  She joined the crew a few weeks before me in Baja California.  On the transit from Mexico to Costa Rica, Fiona encountered two weeks of continuously severe weather.  Facing gale force headwinds and 10-20 foot seas, poor ANNOYING FEMALE fought (and lost) a sustained battle with seas sickness.  Jeez... if bad weather could take her down, what in the hell would it do to me, a nautical virgin?  Just thinking about this was causing my anxiety level to increase steadily.  Did I make the wrong decision?  Only time will tell.

During our time in port we took on food and fuel for our journey down to Panama.  Since we still had access to my car, we met our Yachting Agent, Jorge, whose job it is to help people (like us) to navigate our way through the bureaucracy of governmental regulations and red tape.   Jorge led us through the myriad of checkpoints necessary to clear Fiona with Costa Rican Customs and then Immigration.

In just a few hours, Costa Rican Customs was satisfied with who we were.  Our next stop was the local MegaSuper where we stocked up on some provisions we would need for the passage to the Panama Canal.

After shopping, we drove back and loaded the provisions onto the boat. This was my first chance to get an up-close look at my new home for the next month or so.  I knew Fiona was going to be small but I didn't think it was going to be THIS small!  I'm just very grateful that I am now 100 pounds lighter, otherwise I'd never have been able to fit my body through the bloody cabin doors.

Fran needed to head back home before it got dark and I needed to start getting nautical.  The rest of the day was mostly uneventful except for the stifling heat.  OK Andy, get used to it.  This is supposed to be an adventure and not a pleasure cruise.

We ate dinner on shore and around 8 pm or so, Eric and I took the "panga" (a small shuttle boat that provides transportation between boat and shore) back to Fiona.  With no A/C, no fans and 88 degree inside temperatures, I decided to sleep outside on the pilot deck.  For me, that was a smart decision.  I plugged in my iPod, and fell asleep to the dulcet tones of Deep Purple.

FIONA AT DOCK

CAPTAIN FORSYTH

BUYING THE ESSENTIALS

CHECK OUT TIME

Day 2 – Thursday. January 21:
Costa Rica Yacht Club, Puntarenas CR

The sun rose around 5am or so.  Eric was already working, reviewing weather charts and planning the route in preparation for tomorrow's departure.  To my great surprise, sleeping on an 18” wide vinyl pad yielded a pretty good night's sleep.  Instead of eating boat food for breakfast, we took the panga ashore and had a hearty meal at the CRYC.  Later we did some cleaning and Eric began teaching me about the Fiona and many of the principals of sailing.  I have to admit, most of what he said was beyond me but I shook my head in agreement so as not to look like a complete idiot!

Around noon, ANNOYING FEMALE, completely over her bout with motion sickness, and ANNOYING MALE (aka ANNOYING COUPLE), returned to the boat bringing with them a much needed backup tank of propane.  That afternoon, we grabbed a taxi, went back into town and bought more groceries for the trip.

We still need to do a few minor repairs.  The anemometer, the gauge that reports wind speed,  appears to be broken.  I immediately thought to myself, since sailboats use wind for propulsion, then any device that reports wind velocity could probably be useful at some point during the trip.  And I was right!  That afternoon, 77 year old Captain Forsyth climbed up the main mast and repaired the broken wires in the boat's anemometer.  Not bad!

With the day quickly drawing to a close, I decided to go ashore, check the internet and take a dip in the CRYC's (very inviting) swimming pool.  Oh yeah... and I also managed to slam down a several very potent scotch on the rocks. 

Now fully refreshed, the four of us had our final (real) dinner at the CRYC.  And yes... the temperature was just as stifling as the day before and of course I slept outside again under the stars!

REPAIR TO ANEMOMETER

Day 3 – Friday, January 22:
Beginning the voyage to Panama

Today was the day... time to set sail for Panama.  Again, I was up at the crack of dawn after a wonderful night's sleep on deck.  This morning we took down our protective canopy which provided us shade while in port and we fueled up taking on 450 liters of diesel.  With those chores out of the way we were off to see Jorge again, this time to get our passports stamped by Migracion.  By 10 am we were ready to go, only one problem... NO FRIGGING WIND.  So as we left Puntarenas, we had the 85 horse diesel fired up providing our only propulsion for the foreseeable future.

Now that we were finally under way, we drew cards to see who had the “watch.”  Having the watch meant that one was responsible for everything related to the boat such as steering clear of other nautical objects (i.e. fishing boats and super tankers).  Plus the person on watch was responsible for making sure we remained on course.  This was sort of like trial by fire because I didn't have a flaming ideas as to what I should be doing.  With four of us on board, we all took our turns in 2 hour shifts.  My first shift began at 6pm then every 6 hours thereafter.

Eric treated us to a nice lunch of salmon salad sandwiches.  By the time 5 pm rolled around it was time to partake in a daily ritual on board Fiona... HAPPY HOUR!  Happy Hour is punctuated with a Fiona cocktail (apple juice and rum) or a beer if you choose or frankly anything that may be in the cooler.  Dinner followed with Eric's customized version of Spaghetti Ragu.  Who said life aboard a sailboat had to be crude.  Later that night I found my sleeping spot on deck, plugged in my freshly charged iPod and settled in for the night.

PLOTTING OUR COURSE

Day 4 – Saturday, January 23:
At Sea En-route To Panama

It was full speed ahead all day Saturday.  With still no wind in sight, we remained under diesel power maintaining a constant speed of 5.4 knots and burning fuel at a rate of a gallon an hour.  I was beginning to get really bummed.  With zero wind, the heat began to really get to me.  I was now consuming almost as much cold water as Fiona was consuming fuel.  The temperature inside the cabin was breaching 100 while on deck (under shade) it was a mild 96 degrees.

Eric knew we were all in physical distress so he stopped the boat and allowed us to take a dip in a very inviting Pacific Ocean. For about 10 minutes our body temps cooled down sufficiently to let us continue our cruise towards Panama.  And right on schedule, the 5:00 Happy Hour presented itself, this time a cold can of Corona took the edge off.

Around 6:00 pm we slowly approached Isla Parida, just off the coast of Panama.  Approaching a strange place in total darkness was new to me but not for the rest of this crew.  It seemed like old hat to them.  Using a combination of radar, GPS and good old visual observation, we navigated our way into a protected cove on the southern tip of the island where we would drop anchor and spend the night.

Eric began to fix dinner, a combination of macaroni and cheese and some sort of chili concoction.  It was surprisingly good.  After dinner we kicked back to watch an old 1950's video on the PC with Alec Guinness.  Watching that 17 inch screen as we pitched and rolled while at anchor made me rethink my decision to eat chili mac and cheese but in the end everything stayed where it was supposed to.

Ten thirty came and everybody went to their assigned sleep chambers... except for me.  With clear skies, a mild breeze, I snuggled up on the deck listening to my iPod and enjoying Pink Floyd's, “Obscured By Clouds.”  What a great way to end a great day.

ENJOYING THE RIDE

ANCHORAGE ISLA PARITA

A POD OF PORPOISES OFF OUR BOW

SNORKELING OFF ISLA PARITA

Day 5 – Sunday, January 24:
Isla Parida, Panama

Having adjusted for the time difference between Panama and Costa Rica, the morning sun peaked over the trees at Isla Parida around 6:50 am.  With ANNOYING FEMALE still fast asleep, ANNOYING MALE and I sat on the rear deck sipping a cup of hot tea and planning our day's activities.  With no agenda or milestones which needed to be met, today was going to be one of exploration, above and beneath the water. 

Later that morning, ANNOYING MALE inflated the rubber dinghy and attached a small (but functional) 6 hp motor to to the boat's transom.  Eric decided to remain with Fiona. When I asked why he wasn't going ashore, he said in his stiff British accent, “I don't like the water.”  That sounded just a bit strange coming from a guy who spends 10 months each year at sea.

A little while later. the ANNOYING COUPLE and I tossed our snorkeling gear into the rubber boat and headed out about a mile to a small barrier island protecting Parida.  We eased into an isolated cove and for the next three hours we explored the shallow waters which were teaming with tons of fish.  However there was one casualty, my underwater video camera died as soon as I got into the water. That really pissed me off.

After about two hours of snorkeling, the three of us returned to Fiona.  We raised anchor and headed off to another spot on the opposite side of the island.  It was now that Eric finally gave me my first real shit job as a swabbie on board Fiona... I had to crawl into the front hold of the boat and manually fold the anchor chain as it was being hoisted back onto the boat.  From then on out I was officially dubbed Fiona's “Anchor Chain Stacking Engineer”, a title with which I will hold in high honor.

Growing tired of Isla Parida, it was time to move on.  It took about an hour but we reached our next destination, Paridita, a neighboring island just around the corner from Parida.  Again we dropped anchor, lowered the dinghy and the three of us made our way to the shore.

It was then, the TOTALLY ANNOYING COUPLE took off for a hike in the jungle while I decided to take a snorkeling dip in the (not so clear) waters of this lagoon.  I quickly grew bored of this so I too took a hike up along the beach.  I soon came across a family of locals who lived and worked on the island.  I had a blast using my broken Spanish, chatting with the Panamanian family.  While not much was said by either of us, all in all it was fun meeting others, especially on their turf.

As we headed back to Fiona, we noticed that another cruising yacht had entered and anchored by us.  They were flying a Canadian flag plus I noticed they had a few surfboards strapped to their port rails.  We cruised over and did the neighborly thing, we invited them over for Happy Hour.  About half an hour later, with a huge bowl of freshly made cerviche in hand, the three guys from the other boat boarded Fiona.  We introduced them to Eric's Fiona Cocktail and exchanged sailing stories.  As it turns out, these guys were in the process of circumnavigating the globe.  But before heading back home to their home in Vancouver BC, they planned on making a detour to Hawaii to ride a few waves.

Later that evening we watched (again) a movie on Eric's PC.  Just as the movie came to an end, we were hit with some rain which really cooled off the night air.  By 11 pm the rain had stopped and I was able to assume my usual nocturnal position, topside on the pilot deck.  But even though the rain had stopped, the sails were soaked and continued to drip.  No matter where I positioned myself, every 10-12 seconds, a drip landed on my face.  This was not a good night for sleeping but certainly better than sleeping below deck, adjacent to the engine room.

Day 6 – Monday, January 25:
Heading to Isla Secas

It's just after 6am and I'm getting ready to kick off my sixth day of this odyssey.  The rains are gone, the air is crisp and clear but unfortunately we still have zero wind.

After reading back all my entries, one might assume everything is blissful aboard Fiona.  But as we all know, individuals, who are confined in close quarters, have a tendency to get on each others nerves after time.  Personal idiosyncrasies begin to grate and grind and such is the case here.

Our two little “love birds”, CONSISTENTLY ANNOYING FEMALE and OCCASIONALLY ANNOYING MALE have this propensity to communicate in using “baby talk.”  Now I'm OK with people showing their affection, but these two (especially her) are enough to make one puke.  And let me not overlook their penchant for the ever annoying use of "California Speak."  Here is just one example...

Shoot me for God sakes before I go fucking nuts!  Not only is that excerpt a classic example of how they talk to one another, each time one of them says anything, the other person seems compelled to comment by first paraphrasing what the first person said, then by amplifying it with their own litany of bullshit.  I just wanted to scream from the top of my lungs...

"WILL YOU TWO PEOPLE PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut and just cranked up my iPod.

Around 10 am we pulled up anchor and we set a course for Isla Secas, about a 4 hour cruise on our way to the Canal.  Eric figures (from today) it will take us about 1 week to make it down to Balboa, the entrance to the Panama Canal.  Then it will be another week to negotiate our passage through and make it to the exit point of Colón.  If  have learned just one thing so far on this trip, cruising is definitely a laid back lifestyle.  If you are in a hurry... take a jet!

Exactly as planned, four hours later we motored in to Islas Secas.  Noticed I said “motored in” because we still don't have any bloody wind.  We dropped anchor in about 22 feet of water in a nicely sheltered part of the bay.  The water was so clear, we could make out coral formations on the sea bottom.  And within minutes, the ANNOYING COUPLE and I were over the side and snorkeling our collective asses off.  The sights were incredible and the highlight (at least for me) was coming upon a bed of starfish.  There must have been a hundred or more just languishing on the ocean floor.  We did two dives that day with our second dive being even more spectacular than the first. 

Just like at our last anchorage, we met up with some other cruisers.  However, this couple was more in keeping with the age of our Captain.  This couple hailed from San Diego California and has been traveling the globe for about three years.  It's quite interesting how many of these cruisers adopt a "cult like" lifestyle, similar to the terrestrial based "Air Streamers" who travel the highways of the globe in their stainless steel trailers.  So today it was Happy Hour for six!

Eric made another filling dinner using canned meat as the basis for a decent beef stew.  But just after dinner was served, a squall line quickly slammed into our protective cove hitting us hard with driving wind and rain.  But being the typical me, I didn't give a rat's ass about the weather, all I was thinking about was having to sleep inside the poorly ventilated aft cabin of Yacht Fiona.

As I sit here in the dining area of a completely locked down yacht, every hatch is closed in order to prevent the elements from entering but it also shuts off all air circulation.  So here I sit, sweating my ass off, typing this daily update with the aid of my head lamp because we are conserving battery power. Finally around 9pm the rain stopped.

I need to get outside.  Being cooped up in this ocean going sweat lodge is causing me great discomfort, not just from the heat but from the EXTREMELY ANNOYING COUPLE. 

My mind is getting ready to explode for just four feet away ANNOYING MALE is reading aloud a book to REALLY ANNOYING FEMALE. Again she makes baby talk comments every few minutes.  I think he "gets off" on that.  For someone as educated as her, “cute baby talk” really makes her sound like a complete idiot, at least in my mind. And if things couldn't get any worse, while she's laying in her berth and he in his, she asked me to turn off the light which I was using to write this digital rant.  Well fuck you MOST ANNOYING FEMALE (I wanted so desperately to say)!  I've had it.  I can't stand it anymore.  I don't give a damn if it's raining, I'm sleeping outside and I'm going to listen to the soft sounds of the Moody Blues.

ISLA SECAS FROM SPACE

APPROACHING ISLA SECAS

STARFISH BED

SQUALL LINE

ANOTHER INCREDIBLE SUNSET

Day 7 – Tuesday, January 26:
On the Isla Contreras

Last night went well.  No rain, a slight tropical breeze and no EXCRUCIATINGLY ANNOYING FEMALE with which to contend.

I awoke to a spectacular sunrise, around 6am.  Feeling great about the day, I stowed my pillow and sheet and went down to the galley to brew a cup of tea.  Eric was already awake and downloading today's weather and wind data.  It now looks like we may be able to put up sails in about two days.  We'll see.

I decided to put on a pot of water for some hot tea but Eric told me I put too much water into the tea pot.  As he so carefully explained, the more water you heat, the more energy is required to heat said water.  Therefore, since I had too much water in the pot, I was wasting energy.  Well slap me silly... I should have known better.

By 8:30 we raised the dinghy, stowed it on the deck and I got the word that we were ready to pull up anchor.  I knew what that meant... get my fat ass into the hole and stack anchor chain.  No longer do I need to be given this order, I know it's my job and I just do it and with a big ass smile.

In just the short span of a few days, we have seen a few of Panama's out islands.  They are all beautiful, with incredible vegetation, loads of sea birds and sparkling water with nearly unlimited visibility.  But in the end, these islands are all the same.  What I am seeking is people and villages but it seems that since we have not yet cleared Panamanian Immigration, it may be illegal for us to go ashore.

With nothing to do other than relax, I decided to add more tidbits to this ever increasing journal.  Perched up on deck, I booted up my laptop, plugged in my iPod and began getting really creative.  But everything went to total shit when REALLY ANNOYING FEMALE, also on deck with me, asked me if “I would be so kind as to stop tapping my fingers.”  She told me it was impacting her ability to take a nap.  Forget the fact that just below is a fairly loud, 85 hp diesel engine cranking away. "Well that's too frigging bad," I thought to myself.  When I listen to music, I tap.  She should have gotten some sleep instead of having ANNOYING MALE read to her from some insipidly stupid book.  It took everything I had to fight the urge to not throw Miss Priss overboard.  It's times like this I sure wish I had a joint!

Later that day, TOTALLY ANNOYING FEMALE and her ANNOYING MALE, took the dinghy out to do some snorkeling.  To my surprise, Captain Eric joined them so he could test out his new underwater camera.  I opted out of this excursion and decided to stay onboard the boat so I could recharge some batteries and relax. But first, I jumped overboard and took a swim in the 70 foot deep, crystal clear waters surrounding Isla Contreras.

Tomorrow morning marks the beginning of A 72 hour passage to the Las Perlas Islands, just south of the Pacific entrance of the Panama Canal.  Eric has already plotted the course and entered the way points into our GPS system. OCCASIONALLY ANNOYING MALE and I stowed away the inflatable dinghy and did some minor repairs to our anchor chain in preparation for the trip.

With all of our duties for the day completed, it was now 5:00 PM and Happy Hour.  No guests today, just the calm flat waters of our secluded cove, gazing at an awesome sunset.  The entertainment tonight, Steven Spielberg's ridiculous comedy “1941.”  By 9:30, the movie ended, everybody went to bed and I cleaned up the dinner dishes.

The weather tonight is spectacular.  We have a fairly bright ¾ moon, tons of stars and NO RAIN!  The breeze is moderate up here on deck and there is no one up here to bother me.  I guess it's time to call it a day and let the gentle sea lull me into a state of blissful sleep.  Tomorrow begins a major endurance run.  Sure hope we get wind!

ISLA CONTRERAS

ISLA CONTRERAS

ERIC TAKING A DIP

TYPICAL SUNSET

SQUALL LINE APPROACHING

BIG WINDS - FINALLY

THE NUT CRUNCHER

Day 8 – Wednesday, January 27:
Beginning Our Passage  to Balboa

As usual, since I was the only person to sleep on deck, I was the first to awake just as the morning sun pierced its way through my closed eyelids.  The time... 5:40 am.

Since this morning was so beautiful, I decided to shoot some video.  Then, without warning,  Eric gave the order to "raise the main sail" and then the staysail... whatever the hell that is.  With the wind was still at our nose, our sails were not going to provide any significant thrust but they sure did look good unfurled... especially on video.  It wasn't long after we raised the sails that the wind began to shift to our port beam...that's the left side of the boat to you non-nautical types.

Soon Eric was barking out orders.  He might as well have been speaking to me in Russian for I just looked at him with this dumbfounded look in my eyes.  I could sense he was getting annoyed because his voice was getting increasingly louder and sterner.  Finally he blurted out “Do you know what I am saying?” And my response was HELL NO!  I think finally realized that I did not know my ass from a hole in the ground when it comes to sailing. 

After that minor interaction things seemed to be less tense between us.  He was now taking more time with me and explaining things in a calmer, less intimidating way.  If nothing else got accomplished, Eric now knows that I CAN NOT be counted on for doing anything critical. But in short time I was pulling ropes, adjusting this and cleating that.  Hell, I almost looked like I knew what I was doing.

The winds were somewhat hit and miss the rest of the day.  Occasionally we had to tighten up our sails and crank up the old diesel so as to keep on course.

Right now I am doing my 10 to Midnight watch.  Now here is a real scary thought... the only thing standing between the Fiona and immediate death is ME!  My job is to stay awake, watch out for land masses and other vessels which may go bump in the night.  But just before going off watch, the winds really started to kick up and within minutes, the seas had a three foot chop and we were experiencing consistent winds well in excess of 30 knots!The sails were making flapping noises which were new to me.  Something was not right and I had no idea what to do so I called in the troops and woke up Eric.

This was the beginning of 3 days of pure hell for me.  The waves were beginning to break over Fiona's bow and everything inside was getting tossed about... including me.  It's then I began feeling quite ill.  With the weather all gone to hell, for the first time I finally had to sleep in the hot steamy cabin with Captain Eric.  All the hatches closed.  No air was getting in and none was getting out.  Nausea was winning out so I popped another Dramamine and I was on my way to never never land.

THE NUT CRUNCHER

While in my chemically induced stupor, nature called about 4am.  I managed to make my way to the forward head to do my business.  With the boat getting tossed about in the rough seas, I was not on sure footing.  I was holding onto anything rigid in order to stay erect.  Finally, I made my way to the forward head and positioned myself (carefully) onto the seat.  Seconds later, Fiona takes a massive hit from a wave and this poor excuse for a sailor slides off the seat, only to be "testicularly impaled" on the flushing pump of the toilet  (see photo on left).  Tears came to my eyes but in the end, business was accomplished and I slowly and deliberately stumbled back to my berth.

Day 9 – Thursday, January 28:
Sick At Sea

With my crotch still recovering from it's recent trauma, I remained sea sick most of the day and have not eaten any food.   We are still under full sail headed for the Perlas Islands. 

Around 4 o'clock, Eric asked me if I felt like eating supper.  I told him that I would try but there was no guarantee.  He was planning some sort of SPAM and macaroni surprise.  As usual Happy Hour came but I gracefully declined imbibing in the nightly ritual of alcoholic indulgence.

Around 6:30 dinner was being ladled out onto the plates but somehow the smell of the food just about sent me into another gastric spasm.  I told Eric that I still was not ready to eat.  Eric's expression was one of huge disappointment.  It was as if I promised him the world and then broke the promise.  So I told him... "OK, if it makes you happy I'll eat it but don't be surprised if I wind up puking it all over the deck."  Well that seemed to settle him down a bit.

That evening I started feeling a little bit better so I went back on watch and did my assigned 10-Midnight shift.  Thankfully it was completely uneventful.

Sometime around 2 or 3 am, there was some activity going on up on the deck.  Apparently, the wind changed direction and it was necessary for Fiona to make some rather critical changes to the way our sails work.  The MOSTLY ANNOYING COUPLE and Eric were scrambling to keep the boat on course but I was too stoned out on Dramamine to do any good.  I just laid in my sweltering bunk, below deck, wishing this nightmare would come to an end.

ISLA PEDRO GONZALES

ISLA PEDRO GONZALES CLOSE UP

Day 10 – Friday, January 29:
The Perlas Islands

Maybe it's just my paranoia but I really think TOTALLY ANNOYING FEMALE is really trying to piss me off.  Just today, she accused me (in a passive aggressive way) of not properly flushing the head thereby causing crap water to splash upon her delicate (but bony) ass.  Then she jabbed me again by saying, "Oh Eric, someone keeps forgetting to turn off the light in the forward head."  Well that someone is either her, ANNOYING MALE or me and we all know to whom she is referring.  I (in a non-passive aggressive way) told her, "I haven't even been to the fucking head in two days and she better look to someone else to cast blame."  Maybe the culprit was DIGESTIVELY REGULAR ANNOYING MALE.  In your face bitch! (I thought to myself).

We are still bound for our next way point, an obscure island in the La Perlas Archipelago called Isla Pedro Gonzales.  This cruising thing is beginning to bore me.  I am craving interaction with other humans but all we do is to stop at isolated or uninhabited places.   While they are nice, I said it before, once you've seen one deserted island, you've seen them all.

It's now approaching 2 pm and we have arrived at out next anchorage.  The cool thing is, this island has a village containing with about 500 residents.  But do you think we'd explore the place, nooooo! We are staying aboard on the damn boat because it was too time consuming to inflate the dinghy for the trip into shore.  So we were resigned to sitting it out on the boat waiting for the next Happy Hour and our toast “To the cruising life!”

I at least took advantage of this potentially boring situation and got cleaned up.  I grabbed a bottle of Joy dish detergent and a wash cloth, jumped in the ocean and took a bath.  Not only was it refreshing, I really needed to purge my body of this horrific odor I was fermenting.

As I have come to expect... 5 o'clock Happy Hour came and I abstained, hopefully for the last time.  I did manage to eat a few squares of tuna salad on whole wheat bread (our appetizer for the night).  I felt compelled not to disappoint Eric again for dinner so I told him that I'd be happy to eat a small portion.  It was some sort of canned turkey surprise with peas and potatoes.  Fortunately, everybody was eating inside and I opted to remain outside under a full moon.  After a few bites, I made a hasty but discreet contribution to the local fish diet by donating my dinner to the sea.

Guess what we did after dinner?  You guessed it... Eric set up his PC and we watched a DVD. How innovative!  We watched the old classic Billy Wilder film “Some Like It Hot.”  It was OK.  But since I've seen it several times before, I continued to play Solitaire on my iPod while listening to Pink Floyd.

The movie was finished by by 9:30 and everybody peeled off to their respective sleeping chambers.  I grabbed my pillow and a top sheet and got real comfortable, real fast, outside on the deck of the Yacht Fiona.

Day 11 – Saturday, January 30: 
Heading to YAUI... Yet Another Uninhabited Island

For the first time in my life I have just witnessed a simultaneous sunrise and moon set.  As the full moon descended in the western sky, the sun began is slow but deliberate rise in the east.  It really is quite a cool thing to see.  What a great way to start the day.

While I was under the weather, I was not much in the mood to make any entries into my Fiona Log.  So now, feeling much better and with blissful solitude at my side, I decided to get caught up on my writing.

Well Eric just awoke.  My watch says 7:01 and it will soon be tea time.  We exchanged pleasantries and talked about what's on tap for today.  Instead of heading to the populous island of Isla Contadora, the group, (i.e. the CONSISTENTLY ANNOYING COUPLE) convinced Eric that we should anchor at Isla Mogo Mogo, a secluded island adjacent to Isla Contadora.  Why change things now?

Eric and OCCASIONALLY ANNOYING MALE performed some minor repairs this morning while THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE remained fast asleep. 

Now that the drugs have worn off and I'm feeling back to normal, I am beginning question my sanity and am now entertaining thoughts declaring this trip and experience complete.  My original plan was to continue transiting the Panama Canal and then head off to the San Blas Islands.  From there another multi-day passage to Cartegena Colombia.  This section of the trip would take probably another 3 weeks.  But in reality, I think enough's enough and time to put an end to this nonsense.

Flying back to Costa Rica will be expensive.  Early research revealed one-way airfare from Cartegena could cost between $800 - $2000.  Flying home from Panama would only run about $600.  If I left Fiona before transiting the Canal, Eric would be required (by Panamanian law) to hire another body for this part of the trip.  So in loyalty to him, I've decided to stay through the Canal to Colón and figure out how to get home from there.

We finally made it to our destination, Isla Mogo Mogo.  It is a beautiful island with an incredible stretch of sandy white beach.  Perfect for a day of swimming and relaxation. The only problem, Eric decided to drop anchor about 800 meters from the shore.  In addition, a wicked current of between 2-3 knots between the Fiona and the beach made swimming to shore extremely problematic.  We could have anchored closer to shore but we didn't.

The CONSTANTLY ANNOYING COUPLE decided to use the rigid dinghy (as opposed to our inflatable dinghy) and row to shore.  Just before they launched the small boat, Eric asked them if I was going to go with them.  I could hear EXTREMELY ANNOYING FEMALE say to Eric, “sure if he wants to go.” It was then she asked me, “Oh Andy, do you have any interest in going ashore?”  It was one of those half-hearted invitations that one is forced to make and it had all the sincerity of fake orgasm.  What I wanted to say to her was FUCK YOU but (again) good manners prevailed and I told her "no thank you."

As we approach sunset, I'm feeling better because I've had TWO Fiona cocktails preceded by a cup of hot tea and a shot of rum at 3 o'clock.  That's what I needed all along.  I just needed booze!

Tonight, Eric is planning a Ragu spaghetti dinner sans any protein followed by another movie.  Tonight's presentation will be one of the episodes from Ken Burns' “The War.”  Finally something to which I can relate.

TRANSITION DAY

Tomorrow is going to be a major transition day for us.  We move from being "cruisers" to "cruisers in waiting."  Plans call for an early rise and departure, probably around 7am (I hope).  From our current anchorage, we will travel (under motor) to the Balboa Yacht Club.  Eric says that it is about 30 miles or so and should take us about 5-6 hours.

Once there, I hope to jump ship and haul ass to the nearest hotel and hang out for a few days while Eric gets all our paperwork in order for us to get us through the Canal.  We will also be taking on another crew member who is flying in from the States.  All I know is his name is Bill (something) and he is an experienced sailor. 

Probably by Wednesday, we will be ready to begin our transit of the Panama Canal.  As for me, I plan on spending my 2-3 days of R&R taking a real good bath,  calling Fran on SKYPE, catching up on my email, posting my trip progress to Facebook and watching some TV, especially the news.  During the day, maybe a side trip into Panama City to do some shopping and sightseeing.  And I hope to do it all without anybody from the crew of the Fiona.

ISLA MOGO MOGO

ISLA MOGO MOGO CLOSE UP

MOON SET

SHIPS IN WAITING

R&R FROM FIONA

ENJOYING THE HOTEL POOL

EMILIO MY TOUR GUIDE

EX-DICTATOR NORIEGA'S HOUSE

Day 12 – 15  - January 31 thru February 3:
Being A Tourist In Panama City

After 12 days of intermittent winds, rough seas and redundant tropical isles, its time to make our way back to civilization and head towards Panama City and the Pacific entrance to the Panama Canal. 

As we approached Panama City I could see all the huge ships anchored in the bay, against the backdrop of modern high-rise office buildings and condominiums.  They were all awaiting their turn to get the nod to begin their crossing through the Canal.  But all I had on my mind was getting off the boat, checking into a hotel, cranking down the air conditioning and taking a hot shower.

While Eric fueled up Fiona at the Flamenco Marina, I had already jumped ship.  With backpack in tow, I hailed a cab and made a beeline to the Country Inn overlooking the Balboa Yacht Club.  I knew as soon as I walked through the front door of the hotel, I had entered an environmentally controlled state of Nirvana. 

The very first thing I did was to take the longest shower of my life, washing off 12 days of grime, smell and decaying sunscreen.  I put on a fresh tee shirt and some shorts and headed out for a walk.  Jeez it felt great to stretch my legs. 

It didn't take long to walk the grounds of the hotel but I did manage to find a TGI Friday's conveniently adjacent to my new refuge.  I quickly made my way to the bar and ordered a double strength, super duper Margarita.  That and a half order of their signature potato skins made me a very contented sailor.  Then around 7pm or so, I made my way back to my room.  With ice beginning to form on the bathroom mirror, I grabbed a cold beer from the minibar and turned on the TV for the first time in two weeks.  There I languished for the rest of the night, sprawled out on a king size bed, four pillows and my remote control.  Life IS good!

The next couple of days were filled with doing things tourists do when in a new place. I took taxi's everywhere, heading into the central city and also walking in areas that (perhaps) I should not have been.  I then got smart and hired a cab driver with a nice van for the day.  For $75, Emilio was my personal chauffeur and guide, showing me the sights and sounds of Panama City. 

Emilo asked me how I like his country.  And I carefully explained to him, "judging the country of Panama based on this one city would be like you visiting New York and judging what life is like in the United States!"  I explained that "in all honesty, Panama City was nearly identical to my home town of Miami Florida."  I do plan on returning.  Next time with Fran.  Living in Costa Rica will afford us the opportunity to come back and visit other parts of Panama.  Then I can form a more objective opinion.

Day 16 - Thursday, February 4:
Panama City - Transit Day Minus 1

It is now Thursday, February 4th.  I met with Eric yesterday at the Balboa Yacht Club. I even had the chance to see my friends, the MOST ANNOYING COUPLE.  We even managed to make it through a mutually painful and awkward greeting exchange. 

Eric tells me that we are getting closer to receiving our assigned date and time for transiting the canal.  If all goes well, tomorrow morning we'll be on our way to the Atlantic.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  But regardless, I need to vacate my hotel room today, for the hotel is sold out and I have no where to go other than Fiona!

Once we complete our transit of the canal we will be in the Panamanian city of Colón.  Most (reliable) forms of transportation that can take me home emanates from Panama City.  During my time ashore, I will be checking into all my travel options, be it bus or plane or mule if need be.

I spent the better part of the day at my table at the Yacht Club, researching my travel options, updating this log and drinking beer.  By late afternoon, Eric and Bill came back and joined me for some more beers.  We also met with Peter Stevens, our agent responsible for mitigating any issues and insuring us as easy passage through the Canal.

After all business was transacted, the EVER ANNOYING COUPLE came back from their day of sightseeing and we all ate our final and highly mediocre dinner at the Balboa Yacht Club.

With dinner complete, we all jumped onto the panga for the short ride back to Fiona and a good night's sleep.  This evening I had company.  It seems that Bill is not a fan of hot, cramped sleeping quarters either so we shared the outside pilot's deck.

Day 17 - Friday February 5:
Transiting the Canal

At 6:15 this morning we received a radio call from the canal master.  He told us we had two minutes to position ourselves in the channel in order to receive the Canal Pilot, a Panamanian who will be responsible for guiding us through the locks to our destination. 

At 7:00, the pilot boarded Fiona and gave the entire crew a brief update as to what our duties will be for the duration of our transit.  As soon as he finished with his talk we were off.

Transiting the canal can be a real mixed bag of emotions.  Yes, it is an awe inspiring event, to witness first hand the results of man's ingenuity but at the same time, it can be boring as hell.  Our top speed for the day hit 7 knots per hour.  For the better part of the day we were traveling behind a humongous container ship or a research vessel being guided by a tugboat.  Therefore, our forward view was restricted for most of the day. 

The most excitement we had was when we went through the Gatun Locks.  These are the last set of locks before entering the Atlantic.  Due to the total incompetence of the line handlers at Gatun, the Fiona floundered uncontrollably inside the lock.  Finally, we got our aft starboard lines tied down which prevented us from slamming into the sides of the lock.  In one instance, a group of tourists were watching our efforts to stabilize the boat.  When we finally got Fiona under control, they gave us a standing ovation.  That put a huge smile on Eric's face.

It took 10 hours but we made it through the canal to the Atlantic.  Now if my luck holds out, I may be able to catch a bus back to Panama City and then to Costa Rica.  My fingers are crossed.

CANAL PILOT

CANAL PILOT & ERIC

CONTAINER SHIP ON OUR BOW

NEW NEIGHBORS

MULE TRACKS

PANAMANIAN FRONTIER

ONE PERSON AT THE DESK

COMPLETE SHIT HOLE

THE FRONTIER

BAGGAGE INSPECTION

MORE INSPECTION

PASSED OUT ON BUS

TAXI RIDE BACK HOME

Day 17 - 18 - February 5 and 6:
The Long Trek Home

We arrived at the Shelter Bay Marina at 4:30 in the afternoon.  For my travel plans to work, split second timing was critical.  Any major screw ups or delays and all might be for naught.

It was now T-Minus 6 1/2 hours till my bus to Costa Rica departed.  My goal was to have my ass in that seat no less than 30 minutes before departure.  There was no room for error.  But as with any tight schedule, there were always problems.

• Objective 1 - Take a taxi from the Marina to the Colón Bus Terminal.

• Problem 1 - It's 4:45 pm and I just learned taxi's don't pick up at the Marina. However the Marina Manager told me that if I find Stanley, he can give me a ride to Colón.  Stanley was described as being a big Black Man under the awning at the Marina.  Hey... this is the Caribbean.  90% of the guys here are big black men and several were under the awning.  After asking at least 8 different and very large black men if they were Stanley, I finally found the right guy and YES, Stanley did agree to drive me to the bus terminal in Colón.  Problem solved.
   

• Objective 2 - Drive to Colón Bus Terminal

• Problem 2 - Stanley began the 20 minute drive to the Colón Bus Terminal when all of a sudden he stopped his car at the Canal locks.  He told me that in order to get to the Bus Terminal we needed to cross over the Canal, through the lock.  However, we needed to wait till the boat traffic cleared and the bridge was extended.  This delay took almost 45 minutes.  Finally we were given the green light to cross the canal and on our way.  It is now T-minus 4 1/4 hours. Problem Solved
   

• Objective 3 - Get on the bus for the 2 hour bus ride to the Panama City Central Bus Terminal.

• Problem 3 - We made it to the Bus station in Colón.  It was now 6:45 pm.  And we still had a 2 hour ride on the bus.  When we pulled up to the station, Stanley turned the lights off in his car.  He said it was for security reasons.  If I was to describe the Colón bus terminal in just one word, that word would be Mogadishu.  This place was a first class shit hole with drugged out thugs standing every 2-3 meters.  This is not a place for a white guy like me who is carrying lots of expensive toys.  Stanley took me to my bus, literally, and told me what to do and all went well.  The travel to the Panama City Terminal was uneventful.  We arrived at 9:30 pm.  I still had 90 minutes! Problem solved.
   

• Objective 4 - Purchase bus ticket to San Jose Costa Rica

• Problem 4 - I showed up at the ticket window of TicaBus at 9:45.  Still plenty d of time to get on the bus except for the fact that ALL seats on the 11 pm bus to Costa Rica were SOLD OUT.  In broken Spanish, I inquired found another bus line, Expresso Panama, who may have available seats.  I hauled ass down to their sales window and found they had two seats left and I got one of them.  It's now 10:15 pm and all the planets are in perfect alignment.  Problem solved.

At 11pm, my ass was planted firmly on the bus.  My iPod fully charged and I was ready to go.  By 11:30, after a short delay, we were headed north on the InterAmerican Highway.  Next stop... the Frontier separating Panama and Costa Rica.  I plugged in, laid back and even slept a bit.

LET'S TALK INEFFICIENCY!

At 4:30 am my bus arrived at the Panama - Costa Rica Border.  I needed to be processed OUT of Panama and then processed IN to Costa Rica.  In a first world country, this process should take no more than 15-20 minutes.  But here it took 3 1/2 hours.  This was the sorriest excuse for a governmental process I have ever seen.  Thank goodness my paper work was in order.

By 2:30 pm on Saturday afternoon I arrived in San Jose Costa Rica.  Tired, smelly and ready to get home to see Fran and Úpe.  Screw taking another bus, that would have required me to wait another hour.  So I negotiated a deal with a taxi driver to haul my smelly ass home for $50.  Such a deal!

IN THE END... A REFLECTION

I had a good time on this trip.  It could have been near perfect had it not been for the three days of sea sickness and of course putting up with the QUINTESSENTIALLY ANNOYING COUPLE. 

I learned a lot from Eric and the rest of the crew and for that I feel I am a better person.  I would not have missed this experience for anything but would I do it again... NO FRIGGING WAY!  I am NOT a sailor nor do I have any ambition to be one.  If I take another cruise, it will be on a Windjammer. But the bottom line is I HAVE NO REGRETS.